Time and a Good Book

It's been awhile since I posted anything....I just haven't had anything to share.  The saying really is true that time heals all wounds.  I've survived Sally's birthday, Easter, Mother's Day, my birthday on which my grandmother passed away, and Memorial Day.  I have found that I gauge life on this weird time frame these days.  This time last year yada yada yada....it's 3 months from what would have been yada yada yada.  Anyway, it's how my mind operates still in this first year of firsts.  


In the meantime, life goes on and you get back in the routine of things.  Then, something bad happens to someone else and you think once again how scary life can be at times, and you hold closely those who are dear to you even tighter than before.


I received some very special books when mom passed away each containing exactly what I needed at that very moment.  Thank you, friends...you know who you are.  It seems some of us have that one special book we use to help comfort others.  I've been giving "The Will of God" out for over 10 years to friends and family when they are experiencing loss and sorrow.  I buy in bulk, and I always keep extra. (Do they read it?  I don't know, but I hope so.) This is a book for those who just don't understand how horrible things are allowed to happen.  I think it's just brilliant, and I've even used content from it more than once in conversation. Those of you who know me know I like "deep."   


Leslie D. Weatherhead does an excellent (excellent!!) job of explaining the different kinds of Will.  A good read for anyone searching for peace and understanding.  


Unfortunately, I had to pull one down this evening.  I'm not sure if this book will help our friends since I can't even imagine their loss, but I'm going to pray really hard that there will be something in it that they can cling to in order to find some semblance of peace.....my heart breaks for them.  
  

The Mad Hatter

Being mad.  The art of madness.  Just plain ole mad. I'm so mad I could spit.  As mad as a hatter.

I heard Joyce Meyer say one time you should never say you're mad because that actually is saying you are crazy.  Instead you should say you are angry.  So, I guess that's where I am right now.  Angry.  So, okay Anger - let's go there and get it over with.  I know you're one of the steps.  Just gotta pass through you.....like walking in quicksand from one side of dry land to the other.  I hope I don't get stuck at 6:00 especially since I've always been so partial to 5:00.     


I know one thing....I definitely don't feel like pouring anyone any tea.


~traci

Running to Stand Still

My friends like to joke that I'm a walking pharmacy.  Anyone who knows me knows that I like to be prepared (you too can have your own survival ready kit....we will revisit that at another time), and they also know when in need of analgesic or tummy relaxer, I will save the day.  Truth be told, there was a particular time about 5 years ago where I was feeling horribly and with each specialist I saw came a new medication prescribed just for me.  We eventually got to the bottom of what ailed me and now I've gone from about 10 meds to 1-2 actual prescriptions and those are on an as needed basis only.  

All of this to say, there is one particular medication which has eased my burden of emotional burnout as of late.  Xanax.  Don't knock it till you try it.  I got the best sleep last night I've had in the last 4 nights because I decided to take a whole one.  (a half never counts as anything)  However, as anyone who has ever watched Celebrity Rehab knows, you can't take Xanax on a daily basis or you will end up like Jeff Conaway of Taxi fame.  Not cool.


So, I just added St. John's Wart on my grocery shopping list.  In addition to anxiety, fear as been an unwelcomed-guest in this little dance I'm in.  I'm hoping SJW will be a clean, safe, non-addicting way to get many future night's sleep because...I FEEL GREAT TODAY!!  


If you have time, you should listen to this....one of my favorite U2 songs.  Powerful.  Running to Stand Still.

~traci

It Doesn't Seem So Rare To Me

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/03/26/vice-presidential-nominee-geraldine-ferraro-dies/

It was announced today that Geraldine Ferraro passed away.  She died from the same blood cancer as my mother - Multiple Myeloma.  There are different varieties of MM; however, what is deemed as, from all of the information I have read, a rare cancer doesn't seem so rare to me when I could list four people off the top of my head who have been diagnosed with this particular C.  (One of whom was my best friend's mother who passed away almost a decade ago with MM...what are the chances of that.)  

So, with this news today, it appears the death of a former vice-presidential nominee becomes the first post on my blog.  Had I known in October mom wasn't going to get better, I would have blogged about our experience over the last 5 months as it definitely was not an easy journey but it also would have served as a diary of sorts and also as information updates for family and friends. It appears to be one of my regrets, not blogging the journey, so a friend (we will call her Angie) suggested that I blog about my grieving process.  We shall see. Most of my thoughts, so far, have come in the middle of the night and by day have been long-forgotten. I, also, don't know if I want to get trapped into a "grieving" format as I hope to pass all the stages of grief with flying colors in normal speed and fashion.  I'm no one special.  We are all going to lose our loves.  No one escapes it.   


Rest in peace, GF.